hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
