I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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