Please, let me fuck your mom
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize