Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
