Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone shit on the floor
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
