I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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