I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What drink are we having for lunch?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
