don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
