Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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