she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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