my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
