Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize