she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I love you. Go after that dick
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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