nut hugger
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
