I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
