I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
