I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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