Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
