you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize