I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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