Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
