It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
