So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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