Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
