Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
