Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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