I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
