I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
