Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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