But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
