the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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