I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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