she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
