Everything about him screamed your future.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
