Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
