I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
