theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
