I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
