he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
