I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
