your room smells of hookers.
And success
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
