Soap is not a condiment
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The beers last night were like the tears from god
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
