I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So vagazzling was a success
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