Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
