the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
