I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
BRING THE BAGELS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
