You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
