I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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