I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
