porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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