ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
