I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
