i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am naked and annoyed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
