you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
