wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
People in love make me want to vomit
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
