it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
