I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
