booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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