I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize