As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
