Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Your dad touched me again.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize