Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize