I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
